How To Love Avoidant Attachment Style
Introduction
As a therapist—and as a woman who’s personally experienced anxiety, avoidance, and secure attachment—I have had relationships with all three types of men. I’ve been asked many times to share my insights, but this isn’t a simple topic. Today, I want to break down avoidant attachment systematically.
A few disclaimers first:
1.I won’t discuss “how to win them back.” You’ll understand why by the end.
2.I won’t share the details of my relationship with my boyfriend who has an avoidant attachment personality, but I’ll present my research (months of sleepless nights!) and hard-earned lessons as objectively as possible.
3.If anything here upsets avoidants or anxious folks, I apologize. My perspective has limits, too.
4.This will be long. I’ll update it over several days.
5.If you finish reading and still feel lost, pause，and give yourself a few days of peace and quie. Don’t ask others (or me) what to do—no one can live your life or set your boundaries for you.
6.Fearful-avoidant attachment and dismissive-avoidant attachment styles overlap, but the key difference is that fearful types have more inner anxiety. This post focuses on dismissive-avoidance ; DM me later to discuss fearful-avoidance attachment styles.
A while ago, I wrote letters to both avoidant attachment style and anxious attachment style. I’ll share them here as a starting point. Note: I use “he” for the third person (I’m female), but feel free to swap pronouns.
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