Who Experiences More Pleasure During Orgasm: Men or Women?

Intimacy is a tapestry of biology, emotion, and mystery—and one question often lingers: Do men or women find more pleasure in orgasm? Recently, a reader asked us: “My girlfriend wants me to keep going after she orgasms. Is that normal?” To answer this, we first need to unpack the differences between male and female orgasms. As sex educator Emily Nagoski once said, “Pleasure is not just a nice extra; it’s a biological necessity”—and understanding its nuances starts with science.

Let’s start with the basics: An orgasm is the peak of the sexual response cycle, where built-up sexual tension releases in rhythmic pelvic muscle contractions, accompanied by intense physical and emotional pleasure. Think of it as a wave cresting: external stimulation triggers arousal, which builds inward, then explodes outward in pleasure. At the heart of this process is dopamine—the “feel-good” neurotransmitter that makes all joyful experiences, especially sex, feel rewarding. As neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky noted, “Dopamine is about the pursuit of happiness, not happiness itself”—but in orgasm, that pursuit reaches its thrilling end.

Pleasure doesn’t strike randomly; it unfolds in four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. The first three stages build gradually, with increasing stimulation spurring dopamine to work overtime, pushing you toward that peak moment. Medically, orgasm manifests in measurable changes—elevated heart rate, blood pressure, and faster breathing. Alone, these might feel stressful, but paired with dopamine’s emotional boost, they transform into a euphoric escape, making orgasm one of life’s most powerful joys.

For years, people have argued that the opposite sex experiences “better” orgasms, fueled by the age-old adage, “The grass is greener on the other side.” But science tells a different story. Researchers at the University of Minnesota measured pelvic muscle contractions during self-stimulation, finding that everyone experiences 20–30 seconds of intense contractions during orgasm, with no significant gender differences in strength, frequency, or duration.

To confirm, a University of Washington study took a psychological angle: Participants wrote descriptions of their orgasms, with gender-specific terms (like “penis” or “vagina”) removed. When others tried to guess the writer’s gender, they failed miserably. This proves that orgasmic sensations are remarkably similar across genders—biology doesn’t play favorites here.

If orgasms feel similar, why do some women want to continue after climaxing? The answer lies in the “refractory period”—a phase men enter immediately after orgasm, often called the “贤者时间 (sage time),” where arousal plummets, and further stimulation feels unappealing. Regaining interest takes time as this period fades.

Women, however, have more varied responses. There are three patterns: Type C follows the “traditional” arc—excitement, plateau, orgasm, then calm. Type B stays stuck in the plateau phase, never reaching orgasm. Most notably, Type A shows extended pleasure: after one orgasm, arousal drops little, and a second can follow quickly. Men often project their own refractory experience onto partners, wondering, “Why keep going?”—but biology explains the mismatch.

These differences (and similarities) trace back to evolution. For the first three months of fetal development, all humans share the same female-typical reproductive structures. Only later do male fetuses produce testosterone, shaping their genitalia. Since our sexual systems originate from the same blueprint, it’s no surprise that orgasms—rooted in shared biology—feel comparable. As evolutionary biologist Jared Diamond wrote, “Evolution is a tinkerer, not an engineer”—and our intimate responses are proof of that clever tinkering.

So, is it normal for a partner to want more after orgasm? Absolutely, especially for those with Type A responses. Men, remember: your refractory period isn’t universal. A little patience can help your partner fully enjoy their pleasure cycle. After all, intimacy thrives on understanding—not assumptions. As relationship expert John Gottman put it, “Love is in the details”—and those details include knowing how your partner’s body works. When you meet each other’s needs, pleasure becomes a shared victory.