A Letter To Those With Avoidant Attachment

Dear Avoidant,

I know you’ve carried so much—neglect, unfairness, misunderstanding, and helplessness. The world has never matched what you hoped it would be. Maybe you even met someone who felt like a gift, a light you believed could guide you out of the darkness. But then you watched that light fade, realizing they didn’t truly know you either. You wanted to explain, but what if showing your real self scared them away? Worse, what if they couldn’t understand your world? You’ve come to believe no one ever will.

I know you never meant to hurt anyone. You’re just protecting a heart that’s been broken too many times. Some part of you—maybe even deep in your bones—whispers that closeness equals danger. What doesn’t make sense is why, after all you’ve given, others still demand more and call you selfish for setting boundaries. You’ve heard this your whole life: You’re “different.” You thought they were the strange ones, but the world kept insisting you were. You hate that feeling. It’s terrifying. Past experiences taught you that explaining is pointless—no one gets it. You see people connecting effortlessly and wonder, Why is there no one who truly understands me? Maybe the world locked the door to your heart. Or maybe you walked through the wrong door entirely.

Okay, lovely avoidant, let’s say we did choose the wrong door. But you’re not alone. There are others like us—people who exist differently, who guard their inner peace fiercely, who operate on their own unique logic. And that’s not something to apologize for. Maybe you don’t believe me, but I think I get you. So let’s talk about your way of thinking. Maybe even theirs , too. Sound good?

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